Expert-Approved Ways to Cultivate Gratitude in Children

As we amble through crunchy leaves right into the official Season of Gratitude, our children’s every whine and gimme can feel especially icky. Luckily for us, research shows that gratitude can be taught, and this month is particularly ripe with teachable moments.

Leaning into the wisdom of three local, expert educators, we’ve harvested five effective ways to cultivate an attitude of gratitude in children.

Model It

Children are experts at decoding our family values— and not just those that we explicitly teach. They’re always listening, after all, and our actions are making most of the racket. If we want our children to have grateful hearts, we must first look at our own expressions of gratitude. So ask the big question: Does my child see the spirit of gratitude in me?

“There is no more influential force on children than their parents,” says Lauren Guip, M.Ed., Montessori Director of The Summit Country Day School. “I think the most effective way to teach gratitude to children is to model it for them in real life.”

By actively giving thanks for the treasured people, experiences, and things in our own lives, our children can see the value in the practice. And the science supports this. To start, try to view small, daily interactions—especially with your children— through a lens of gratitude.

“Keep it simple!” says Guip. “When you are on a walk, saying something like, ‘Wow, I am so thankful we have this beautiful day so that we can enjoy time outside together!’ Small moments add up to a more all-encompassing form of gratitude that will infuse your life as a family.”

Read It

High-quality children’s literature fuels connection, challenges perspectives, and provides a springboard for big conversations. According to Becca’s Book Box owner, Becca Thiemann, Ph.D., reading makes complex feelings like gratitude more accessible to developing minds.

“Often, kids can see things more clearly when it is in front of them in a book versus looking inward at their own lives. Just the right books can help children—innately egocentric— see the bigger picture, begin to understand and practice gratitude, and feel happier about all they have in their lives.”

Thiemann’s personal favorites are The Thank You Letter by Jane Cabrera, All the World by Liz Garton Scanlon, and Thankful by Eileen Spinelli. [If you love to #shoplocal like we do, newly-launched Bookery Cincy can have any of these titles ready for pickup within a week].

Craft It

Children are naturally creative, and we can nurture that trait through art. Pinterest is a treasure trove for age-appropriate, cute crafts that spur feelings of thankfulness. Our personal favorite? A Gratitude Box.

Using stickers, markers, paint, or other craft supplies, help your child decorate a box that will hold your family’s happiest thoughts. Whenever feelings of thankfulness arise, encourage children and other family members to jot them down and put them in the box.

While any box will do, we love heart-shaped boxes like this one from Amazon, especially for younger kids. The literal act of filling a heart with grateful thoughts throughout the season makes an abstract concept feel more concrete.

For extra credit, pass the full box around the table at Thanksgiving, calling to mind your family’s blessings.

Pressed for time? Get crafty with words instead. “Each year at Thanksgiving, come up with your own gratitude prayer,” says Sue Sivertson, Ph.D., Parent Connext® Parenting Specialist at Beech Acres Parenting Center. Working together to create a family prayer ticks the box for creativity while instilling a sense of belonging in children.

Work It

Intentional service can fuel rich discussion about gratitude and empathy, nurturing those qualities in our children. Fortunately, opportunities for parents and children to give— and grow!— together are plentiful this time of year.

Local organizations such as Our Daily Bread, churches like Crossroads, and community staples like The People’s Pantry make it simple to donate food ahead of holiday feasts. But according to Guip, the degree of your child’s participation is key.

“Involve your children in the decision-making process. Talk with them about your own Thanksgiving traditions and help them to understand that the food you are buying for another family will help them enjoy this special holiday with family, without having to worry about how they will pay for it.” Conversations like these promote connection, naturally stirring up feelings of empathy and gratitude while empowering children to enact positive change.

For those not in a position to give financially, there are other heartfelt ways for families to serve their community.

“Ask an elderly neighbor if they need help in the yard,” suggests Guip. “Inquire at your local food bank about what volunteers they need most. Have your child write a note of gratitude to a teacher or friend.” With the right guidance from parents, even the simplest forms of outreach can have a profound impact.

And Don’t Rush It

Strong evidence suggests that gratitude is a skill; it can develop over time but for some children, there may be a steeper learning curve.

“Cultivating an attitude of gratitude is easy for some, hard for others,” says Sivertson. “See it as a marathon and that you will get them there slowly over time.”

In the meantime, Sivertson recommends remaining positive and addressing slip-ups with compassion.

“When children seem ungrateful, it is most important to get curious about the need and feeling underneath the behavior,” Sivertson says. “Show gratitude for who they are and all of the wonderful strengths and personality traits they exhibit. Focus on this much more than what they are doing wrong.”

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A special thank you to Lauren Guip, M.Ed., Becca Thiemann, Ph.D., and Sue Sivertson, Ph.D. for sharing valuable insight with our Hunny community. We wish all of our readers and their families a Thanksgiving holiday that makes expressing gratitude feel like second-nature.