How to Foster Independence in Children with Your Nanny

For physician families, time is often stretched thin. Between long shifts, call nights, and the unpredictability of patient care, parents are frequently pulled away from home during critical developmental windows. It’s no surprise that many physician parents lean on trusted nannies to help bridge the gap between professional obligations and a nurturing home life.

But here's something many families don't always realize: your nanny isn’t just a caregiver—they can be a powerful partner in fostering your child’s independence.

Whether you're raising toddlers or tweens, independence isn't something that just "clicks" into place. It’s built through tiny, consistent moments of encouragement, responsibility, and self-discovery—and your nanny is uniquely positioned to guide those moments when you're not home.

Below, we share how your nanny can intentionally foster independence in your children, with strategies that feel seamless, developmentally appropriate, and emotionally safe.

Why Independence Matters

Independence in childhood isn’t just about doing things on their own—it’s about building confidence, resilience, and problem-solving skills. Independent children are more likely to:

• Feel secure trying new things

• Manage frustration and setbacks more effectively

• Develop a strong sense of self

• Take initiative and contribute meaningfully to family life

And while every child develops at their own pace, the consistent support of an emotionally attuned caregiver (like a great nanny) can make a huge difference in how that independence blooms.

Start With Realistic Expectations

Before diving into tasks or checklists, it’s important to align with your nanny on age-appropriate expectations. A toddler's version of independence looks vastly different from a school-aged child’s.

Here’s a quick breakdown:

• Toddlers (1–3 years): Choosing between two shirts, washing hands with help, putting toys away

• Preschoolers (3–5 years): Getting dressed with minimal assistance, helping prepare snacks, starting to problem-solve

• Early school-age (5–7 years): Managing simple routines, helping with chores, navigating peer interactions

• Tweens (8–12 years): Packing backpacks, doing homework independently, contributing to household responsibilities

When you and your nanny are on the same page about what’s appropriate, it sets your child up for success—not stress.

1. Encourage Problem-Solving (Even When It’s Slower)

We know it’s faster to zip the coat or pour the milk yourself, but independence takes root when kids are given the space to try—even if it’s messy or slow.

A nanny can model this beautifully:

“I watched one nanny pause before helping a toddler put on their shoes. Instead of jumping in, she asked, ‘What do we do first? Toe or heel?’ The toddler beamed as she got it right on her own.”

These micro-moments of struggle and triumph add up.

Encourage your nanny to:

• Narrate steps (“First we open the snack drawer, then we choose our bowl.”)

• Ask guiding questions (“What do you think we should try next?”)

• Give positive reinforcement (“You figured it out!”)

Even better? Children learn that making mistakes is part of learning—not something to avoid.

2. Use Routines to Build Confidence

Children thrive on predictable routines, and routines are a perfect framework for developing independence.

Your nanny can involve your child in:

• Morning routines (getting dressed, brushing teeth, feeding pets)

• Mealtime prep (setting the table, serving themselves, cleaning up)

• Wind-down routines (putting away toys, choosing pajamas, storytime)

Try posting visual schedules or checklists—especially for toddlers and preschoolers. Your nanny can reference them throughout the day to gently shift responsibility to the child.

One family shared that their preschooler started reminding the nanny when it was time for their “clean-up song” before lunch. That sense of ownership was priceless.

3. Let Them Struggle (Just a Bit)

It's human nature to want to prevent frustration in our kids, especially when we're already feeling guilty for being away. But a little struggle—within a supportive framework—is powerful.

Train your nanny to recognize when to step back:

• Let the child try tying their shoes before offering help

• Allow them to attempt buckling their car seat (with supervision)

• Let them navigate minor conflicts with siblings or playmates first

The goal is a “just right” challenge—not too hard to cause overwhelm, but not so easy that it doesn’t build skill.

This is especially important for physician families, where time at home can feel precious. It’s tempting to do things foryour kids to save time, but letting your nanny foster these skills during your absence can balance things out.

4. Give Them Meaningful Choices

Choice-making is foundational to independence. It teaches children that their opinions matter and helps them practice decision-making in safe, everyday ways.

Examples your nanny can offer:

• “Would you like blueberries or strawberries with your oatmeal?”

• “Do you want to play outside now or after your puzzle?”

• “Should we read two short books or one long one?”

These small choices empower kids and help reduce power struggles, especially in transitions.

Tip: Keep choices limited to two options to avoid overwhelm.

5. Encourage Contributions, Not Just Chores

Reframing “chores” as “family contributions” shifts the focus from compliance to cooperation. Your nanny can invite children into age-appropriate responsibilities and frame them as meaningful.

Examples:

• Watering plants

• Feeding a pet

• Wiping the table after meals

• Folding their own laundry (even if it’s imperfect)

These tasks aren’t just helpful—they build executive function, self-worth, and a sense of belonging.

A mom in one of our recent conversations shared that her 6-year-old now insists on folding towels “the way our nanny showed me.” She admitted the folds aren’t perfect—but the pride is.

6. Normalize Mistakes and Praise Effort

It’s important your nanny praises effort rather than just outcomes. That might sound like:

• “You worked really hard to put that puzzle together!”

• “I saw you keep trying even when the shoe was tricky.”

• “It’s okay it spilled—you tried something new!”

This mindset, often called a growth mindset, helps children become more resilient and motivated over time.

7. Model Emotional Regulation

Fostering independence isn’t just about physical tasks—it also includes emotional self-management.

Your nanny can help children identify and name emotions, model calming techniques, and offer scripts for hard moments.

• “You look frustrated. Do you want to take three deep breaths together?”

• “It’s okay to feel sad when plans change. I’m here with you.”

When a nanny consistently models emotional intelligence, children internalize those patterns—and become more capable of managing big feelings on their own.

8. Include Kids in Planning and Reflection

Independence grows when children are invited to reflect and plan. This can be casual and playful—nothing formal needed.

Your nanny might ask:

• “What do you think we should do after lunch today?”

• “Was there anything tricky about getting ready this morning?”

• “What are you most proud of from today?”

Not only does this build metacognition (thinking about thinking), but it gives children a voice and sense of agency in their day.

9. Communicate Openly Between Nanny and Parents

One of the most powerful ways to support independence is through aligned communication. If your nanny is doing great work fostering independence, but you unintentionally undo it when you're home, it can be confusing for the child.

Consider a shared log (physical or digital) or weekly debriefs that include:

• What your child is doing independently

• Where they’re asking for more support

• Any new strategies being introduced

This keeps everyone rowing in the same direction—even if your hours don’t overlap much.

10. Remember: Independence and Attachment Go Hand in Hand

Here’s the beautiful part: the more secure a child feels in their attachments—with you and their nanny—the more confident they become exploring the world on their own.

When a child knows they have a soft place to land, they’re far more willing to stretch and try. The secure base your nanny helps provide during long workdays is not a substitute for you—it’s a vital bridge that allows your child to thrive.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Missing It

Physician parents often carry the weight of guilt for not being present at every milestone. But fostering independence isn’t about you being there for every step—it’s about setting up the right environment and people who will nurture it when you can’t.

If your nanny is building your child’s confidence, encouraging curiosity, and holding space for mistakes with love—you are doing it. You're parenting with intention, even during 12-hour shifts or when the pager won’t stop buzzing.

And if you're still looking for a nanny who can support that kind of growth, emotional intelligence, and structure, know there are agencies (like ours) who get it—and who specialize in pairing physician families with exceptional caregivers.

Credited Inspiration:

This blog was inspired by real parent and caregiver experiences shared in public parenting forums such as Reddit’s r/nanny and r/Parenting, blogs like Big Little Feelings, and stories gathered from our own community of families and nannies across the country.